Yea, tell me how geeky I am, but I would never stop writing
Oh this feeling
There's no words to describe how great it feels like
When I hold a flowing pen on my hand
or having a full familiar keyboard right at my fingers
my mind turns back to life
and my soul would never be clearer than ever...
Sorry, if you don't write
then you simply don't know a shit I'm talking 'bout
...
Listening to John Mayer and dying for his voice. Nah, you don't need a look to be a 'bad boy'. Or I mean, it's also good to have one though. Imagine guys with voice! How hot they could be?
...
You think I just love myself?
But wait for a moment
The only one I've have with me all these hard time is this little girl
with a shaking heart and a braving mind
So what do you expect darling?
I don't need the one to 'cry on his shoulder'
I don't need the one to 'depend on'
This life is mine
Mum and Dad and my amazing family have given me everything they've got
Standing upright and live my life
not just for a living
Enjoyment and love
that's what I have and share
...
Thinking back of things happened in Norway last week and being hunted by disturbing emotions. I don't get it still. It's just so wrong. Ain't it just another nightmare? Couldn't stop crying while reading blog of a survival. Don't know what to say. Don't know what to think. There's so much going on inside this head. Please rest in peace. And about that mass killer, I really don't know. For me, everything happens for a reason. He couldn't jump out of nowhere. Something or someone made him be like that. I don't know. Just so confused, so messed up. Please be nice, smile for good and cry for bad. It hurts enough. We need more good deeds here on Earth.
I don't really get it when people complain how lonely they've always feel like. Well, it doesn't sound familliar to me that much. Or maybe, I got used to it. I got used to being alone, being fine and right with myself. Everything is so simply complicated. Life is cruel. Human is small. And if you can't live by your own, you die. Simple as that. I don't lay on anything. I don't wait for things to happen. I don't desperately need another half. And I don't just cry when I fail. You know what? No one's gonna care (about me). None. I mean it. And for those who might care, I'd never waste their time caring about my business. I've always pushed myself so hard to act like a grown up girl, not a 'green-house-kinda-child', not a 'you-can-have-eveything-you-want princess'. We all have choices and I've chosen to be bold.
Some wonder why my facebook seems to be so blank. They can't check my display pictures. They can't find where I am. They don't know what I'm doing. They won't feel a full sense of me. But that's what it's like. I don't have to publish my life to the world included those don't want to know or those I don't want them to know. And for the last thing, if someone want to know me, they'll know eventually. That's good you know. It takes time to go from soul to soul darling.
Oh and don't worry. This heart doesn't cry that much. Never for herself. But for Grandma, for Mum, for Dad, for Auntie, for Grandpa, for the past, for the poor and for the world, maybe.
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