5 days til 21.

If you can't write it long then try to write it short. It's better to let things out of your head, rather than swallowing everything all at once. There is a few things I've been thinking lately. First is about where I would want to live after graduation. I know I've been thinking about that for-ever. And yes, I still don't know for sure what will actually happen. I'm just such a dreamer. I dream about here and there. All I've ever done is to let my mind fly across the stars, the clouds and the whole damn huge galaxy. It's not certain what I will be doing nor what I'm actually doing. Yeah I know, but that's the life I'm living. That's simply how I deal with reality and existence. Sometimes, things seem so unreal that my head can't really feel it or know how to cope with it. Melbourne has always been one of the places I love the most. To be honest, I miss that place so much, I miss the long walk I could continue forever under that blue blue sky and the falling leaves. I miss my friends and the years I spent there. There's something so lovely about it. Every now and then whenever I see a picture taken in Melbourne, I could feel like holding my breath for a good few seconds. But then, somehow I remember the 17-year-old me used to say that, "Melbourne is real nice but for a young person, it's not really alive". I think, back then I preferred Saigon over that. Maybe that's still how I feel. Maybe after all, Melbourne is still real nice but without the right people, it might not be so right anymore. And yes guess what, I still haven't done a single good project for my final year, and all I've been thinking about is the life after it. Such a loser, I am.

I'm going to be 21 soon. There's something not quite right about that. I've always been thinking about how I would be at the age of 21 (and 22, 23 and even older). 5 years ago, I must have thought of myself being all this and that, done this or that, and getting this and that. It's weird though, thinking that I'm actually turning 21 and still haven't done as much as I wish myself have done. Well, but you know what, I haven't even tried that hard (well, not as hard as I should be, at least!) so how could I have the rights to be disappointed or sigh? It's me who haven't done the planning properly, who haven't follow all these plans correctly, who haven't been too depressed to actually get my guts to work. Somehow, at the age of 'turning 21', I feel more relaxed than ever. It's my third year, I'd say it's the most important year of my entire education journey so far. But I don't even look a bit concerned. It says all over my face that "I don't give a damn". Sure, I guess it's not the right attitude to pull off at such an important moment. Still, I can't help. A part of my brain keeps me hanging on with such a rebellious voice. At one point (hopefully real soon), I'll get myself together and start working my ass off, and all I will ever know is focus, focus and focus.

"Hey you, no, you, no one else but you! Think less and do more! Real work pays off after all. If you put your life on the line then you'll know what you actually can do. Win this game and laugh real hard. Why? Because you could do it and you fucking deserve this chance. Live more. No regrets."